Self-Control (Do Good)

I think that the most overlooked aspect of self-control is the power that God gives us to do good.  We often think about self-control as stopping bad thoughts before they take root in our heart, come out in our words, or show up in our actions.  God didn’t just design us to fight battles against evil, though.  He designed and equipped us to do good.  James, in fact, made it clear that this is just as important as avoiding the bad stuff in our lives.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them. (James 4:17 NIV)

This is tough to swallow, especially when you consider how tough it is to avoid bad habits in our lives.  When you think about it, though, it makes perfect sense.  It is much easier to stop a bad habit if you replace that time and brainpower with something good in its place.  Consider these:

You have a problem stopping at the bar and getting drunk each night?  Maybe you should start stopping by Bible-studies instead.  They’re drinking in living water, and you still get the friendships you would get at the bar.

Do you struggle with watching online porn?  Maybe you can find an accountability partner at your church who understands your struggle.  There’s software than can help hold you accountable, but friends can help the most when the struggle is the strongest.  Spend more time away from the screen and around real people – but make it people at church who will help.

Do you spend too much on yourself?  When you look around your house, do you see a tribute to yourself?  Maybe you could spend more of your time in ministries that feed the hungry, house the homeless, clothe the naked, and even visit prisoners.  These ministries just may help you break out of your obsession with you.

Do you struggle with anger? Spend time with people who are calm.

Do you struggle with fear? Spend time with people who are safe.

Do you struggle with insecurity?  Spend time with people who build you up.

You get the idea.  We can overcome evil by doing good.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:3-8 NIV)

So, how about you?  Do you use the control God gives you to overcome evil in your life?  Do you use that same self-control to replace the bad with good?  Is your life different today than it was yesterday, last week, or last year?  What good is God calling you to do?

Self-Control (Avoiding Bad)

I don’t know about you, but when someone says, “Self-Control,” I usually think about holding myself back before I do something bad.  Like we already discussed, we may be controlling our anger, spending habits, or lust.  There are plenty of things on the “bad” list that we can stop through the power of God’s self-control.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:1-5a NIV)

It’s tough to fight those negative thoughts and get rid of them before they become words or actions.  So, we gather together with others in the Church to help us work toward that end.  We need to remember, though, that people in the Church are on a path as well.  They aren’t perfect and they are taking steps in their own walk as well.  Just because they are at a worship service, doesn’t mean that they walking together with God.  You won’t be able to recognize them by their church attendance.  It is by their “fruit” that you will know.  You can tell by listening to their words and watching their actions.

They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 3:6-7 NIV)

Self-Control is not only an excellent gift to help us walk together with God.  It is also an excellent barometer that can be used to measure where someone else is in their walk, too.  When someone shows signs that they don’t know how to control themselves, we can adjust our picture of that person appropriately.  You may be able to help someone without self-control, or you may need to follow Paul’s advice to Timothy.

Have nothing to do with such people. (2 Timothy 3:5b NIV)

So, how about you?  Do you think about self-control as holding back from thinking, speaking, or doing bad things?  Do you exercise self-control in this way?  Are you able to identify where someone else is, even in the Church, by observing their self-control?

Self-Control (Sex)

When I think about self-control, I often think about things like anger, financial over-spending, or getting drunk.  When Scripture uses the term self-control, however, it is often talking about sex.

I wondered for a long time why God is so interested in what we do in the “privacy” of our bedrooms.  Now that I am older, have been married for 26 years, have three grown children, and have been pastoring for twelve years, I think I have more insight as to why it is in the Bible so often.  We mess up God’s design really bad.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:15-20 NIV)

God’s design for human sexuality is really quite beautiful.  Women and men are designed differently on purpose.  Men carry the seed.  Women carry the egg.  Women also have the womb designed as a safe place for the resulting child to grow until it can face the world as another human being.  God made sex powerfully enjoyable and creatively powerful – resulting in the gift of a child.  God designed human sexuality for both procreation and pleasure.

We try to separate the two.  We want the pleasure without the resulting gift.  This was primarily driven by men.  When men go through puberty, their first experience with this process is physical pleasure.  When women go through puberty, their first experience with this process makes them think they are going to die.  If God made both men and women on a cycle, the human race would only continue if a man and a woman with the same cycle found each other.  Instead, God gave women a cycle and designed man to be ready whenever his particular woman is ready (fertile) to make a child.

This is where the problem shows up.  Men need self-control in order to be ready but not pushy.  They think that since they are always ready, they should always do something about it.  Rather than controlling their own bodies, men look for someone, anyone, who is willing to let them have fun.  God is all for fun.  After all, he designed our bodies this way.  He simply has a bigger picture in mind: the continuation of the human race.

This design, then, only works when men have self-control.  It also only works when a man and a woman commit to a lifetime together and then come together as husband and wife.  The husband and wife enjoy the intimacy of this pleasure and it helps them have a bond that they don’t have with any other person.  They also have the pleasure of receiving the gift of a child and raising that child in the training and instruction of the Lord.  They participate in creation and the continuation of the human race.  They begin to have a legacy that will outlast their lives.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. (1 Corinthians 7:5-7 NIV)

So, how about you?  Do you, like the apostle Paul, have the gift of singleness: not needing sexual intimacy in your life?  Do you have the pleasure of being married, enjoying intimacy with the one you have committed yourself to for life?  Are you exercising, in this way, self-control?

Self Control (Around People)

It’s one thing to recognize that we have control over our own thoughts, hearts, words, and actions.  It’s another thing completely when we start thinking about all the people around us.  What do we do when the people around us don’t exercise self-control?  Do we just avoid them?  Do we stay away altogether? It doesn’t take long for that line of thinking to fall apart.  We are surrounded by people who don’t exercise self control.  Your spouse may not use words that are always a gift.  Your children probably don’t do everything without complaining or arguing.  Your boss or teacher may not be very grace-filled with the deadlines and may even express their clear expectations with “unwholesome talk.”  So, what do we do? 

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. (2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIV)

Maybe we could just go hang out at church!  Church people will exercise self-control, right?  Of course, one small-group Bible study will prove this to be a problem, too.  We could try to avoid interaction with people at the church and just go to church services at a large church were nobody knows your name.  The preachers, pastors, and other leaders all exercise self-control, right?  That way I would get just get good thoughts for my mind and heart.  The problem with this, of course, is that preachers, pastors, and other church leaders are imperfect, too.  Even with their best attempts, they may fall short of our expectations.

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. (Matthew 7:16-20 NIV)\

The bottom line is that everyone we come in contact with will have their shortcomings.  Self-control is a sign of maturity and increases the more we walk by the Spirit.  That is true of them.  That is true of us, too.

Just because people aren’t perfect at exercising self-control, that shouldn’t stop us from being around people.  If anything, it should drive us, as Christ-followers, to spend more time with people. Yes, it is good to attend church services.  Those pastors and church workers are working hard to help everyone encounter God, using their self-control to remove distractions for you.  Yes, it is good to attend those small group Bible studies.  God’s Word is always living and active.  In addition, you may learn something from another person who is further along in their journey.  Who knows, maybe someone will gain some wisdom from yours, too.

So, how about you?  Do you recognize when people around you do not exercise self-control?  When they don’t, do you?  Do you avoid people, or do you walk together with them while you walk together with God?  Do you let God, through self-control, work through you?

Self-Control

But the fruit of the Spirit is...self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)

I don’t know about you, but for me life, at times, can be a roller coaster ride.  The thing about roller coaster rides is that they can be really fun if you relax and enjoy the ride.  It can be terrifying if you try to control the ride.  It can be fatal if you try to get off the ride before it’s over.

Sometimes, my greatest problem is trying to control the things in my life over which I have no control.  I don’t have control over all my circumstances.  I don’t have control over over other people.  I do have control, though, over myself.  God gives me control through the power of His Spirit.

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. (Proverbs 16:32 NIV)

I can’t stop a thought from coming into my mind.  But I can take that thought captive and, if I do what the Apostle Paul did, I make it obedient to Christ.  I can’t control the sins of my past, whether they are the sins I’ve chosen to do or sins that have been done to me.  I can control, however, what I do about my past. 

I can choose to let God heal my heart, one memory at a time.  I can choose to repent of my own sins, because my past does not need to dictate my future.  I can choose to clearly see my past by replacing lies the enemy fed me with the truth that comes from God. I can choose to heal the hurt in my past by taking God by the hand and forgiving those who have sinned…including me.  I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I can control what happens in me.  That makes it easier to control what comes out of me.

Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28 NIV)

How about you?  Do you try to control your circumstances or other people?  How does that work out for you?  Do you exercise self-control?  How does that work out for you and God?