Faithful to One

When we think about singleness and marriage, one concept comes up on a regular basis: faithfulness.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV)

We often use the word faithfulness to talk about our relationship with other people.  I don't sleep around, so I am being faithful to my wife.  Sometimes people will say the same thing about a boyfriend or girlfriend.  The problem with this logic is that the word is not just referring to relationships between people.  It also refers to our relationship with God.  Sexual faithfulness to a spouse, then would follow God's design: only being intimate with your spouse.  Sexual faithfulness to a friend would also follow God's design: remaining pure until marriage.

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV)

Even the selection of a spouse starts to bring God into the picture.  It's not good enough to want to marry her because she's "hot" or because he's "cute and sweet to me."  As we walk together with God, we should be looking for a partner who will walk together with God as well.  This part of our relationship will build a lasting relationship.  That is because God is always faithful.

No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord's people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds. (1 Timothy 5:9-10 NIV)

In the earliest days of the church, people brought in money to make sure everyone in the church had food to eat.  They wanted to support one another as they spread the Gospel message.  Who should receive this financial support?  One group of people were the widows...who had been faithful to God and their husbands.  God was being faithful to them.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:23-25 NIV)

Whether single or married, it becomes clear that we are called to be faithful to the One who knit us together in our mother's womb and breathed into us the breath of life.  When we are faithful to God, we will be faithful and pure in our singleness.  We will be faithful to our spouse in marriage.  In all things, we will be faithful to God.

How about you?  Are you faithful and pure in your singleness?  Do you select a spouse based on his or her walk together with God?  Are you faithful to your spouse in marriage?  In all things, are you faithful to One?

One Flesh

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:22-24 NIV)

Becoming one flesh is a beautiful part of God's design for husband and wife.  God clearly designed it to be beautiful, powerful, and enjoyable.  After all, God did design and create our bodies.  Reading the Song of Solomon, we see the beauty of romantic love being expressed between husband and wife.  God intended sexual intimacy to build intimacy between a husband and wife.

"Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground." (Genesis 1:28 NIV)

There is a second God-given purpose for sexual intimacy: children.  When brought Eve to Adam, she would help Adam meet the requirements of God's command.  The first command God gave Adam and Eve together was to be fruitful and multiply.  Obviously they fulfilled that command because we are here today - all 7 billion of us.

Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. (1 Corinthians 7:1-6 NIV)

As powerful, beautiful and enjoyable as sex can be, it can also be twisted in ways God never intended it to be.  Husbands and wives are both tempted to go outside their marriage bed when things aren't going well at home.  People try to separate the pleasure part from the procreation part of sexual intimacy.  Since we aren't very good at separating the two, we end up with unexpected children.  40% of them are aborted before coming out of the womb.  The rest are given up for adoption, born into a single-parent home, or born into a two-parent home that wasn't ready for them.  It all works much better if we simply accept both parts of God's design and enjoy God's gift of intimacy within the covenant commitment of marriage.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:2 NIV)

Before that, we should be treating one another with all purity - like a sibling.  That way, we don't end up with the many, many problems brought about by the enemy-twisted views of human sexuality.

How about you?  Do you treat people with all purity like a brother or sister?  Do you reserve sexual intimacy for your (future) spouse?  When you do enjoy sexual intimacy, will you be open to both pleasure and procreation as God intended?  Do you enjoy God's design for one flesh?

Married

When God created man, Adam had God to talk with.  God, however, is Spirit.  Adam's spirit could commune with God's Spirit.  Adam, however had another part to his being that did not match up with God: flesh and bone.

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:22-24 NIV)

Adam and Eve now become the first husband and wife.  They embody the first marriage.  Marriage is of God.  Each of them was flesh and bone, so they were the same.  Their bodies were a little different, though.  One carried the seed for new humanity.  One carried the egg and safe womb in which it would grow.  There was more to becoming one flesh than two human beings being flesh and bone.  They would fulfill the first command God gave Adam and Eve as a married couple.

God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground."(Genesis 1:27-28 NIV)

God commanded them to begin having children and filling the earth.  Marriage created the first family and God intended that family to grow.  It did.  That's why we are still here today.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Matthew 19:3-6 NIV)

Each spouse should know that they can count on the other, so, as Jesus said, "what God has joined together, let no one separate."  Marriage is a union by God for life.  It is a sacred union.  It reflects the glory of God.  When we love one another in marriage, people should see the kind of love an invisible God has for us.  When we forgive one another in marriage, people should see the kind of forgiveness extended to us by God.  Every time we live out an attribute of God in our marriages, people see God in our marriages.

How about you?  Have you ever been married?  Do you have children?  Does your marriage reflect the image of God?  If you are single, do you look for a spouse who will reflect the image of God with you?  Is God in your picture of marriage?

Single

When we talk about leadership, it is a point of confusion as to whether the leader (especially an elder or deacon) must be married or not. Sometimes people will read the passages we read yesterday and interpret "faithful to his wife" to mean that the leader must have a wife. If the man is single, he cannot lead.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18 NIV)

Passages like this one seem to support the position.  After all, God said it is not good for man to be alone.  Single people, the logic says, can't lead.  Of course, this doesn't fit with the rest of Scripture.  Jesus was single and perhaps the most influential church leader of all time.  He was certainly the most holy.  The apostle Paul was single, too.  He wished everyone was able to be single like he was.

I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:7-9 NIV)

Paul even believed that single people made better leaders in the church than those who were married.  Being single meant being free from any distractions from Christ's mission to go and make disciples of all nations.  Paul was focused on this mission and, since he had no wife or children, did not have anyone pulling him away from this focus.

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 NIV)

This is the reason that some churches only allow people to lead if they are single.  That way their undivided devotion is to the Lord and His Mission.  Of course, that extreme doesn't match Scripture either.  The apostle Peter was married.  Leadership, then, is not tied to our marital status.  It's tied to how we walk with God in that status.

So how about you?  Are you single?  Are you married?  Do you walk with God in your current marital status?  Do you empower others to walk together with God?

One Woman Man

Now the overseer is to be...faithful to his wife… (1 Timothy 3:2 NIV)
I spent over 14 years in the business world.  About half of them were in a regulated utility industry (working in power plants).  The other half were spent in the consumer package goods industry (manufacturing and selling pet food and tuna).  During some of that time, I was given responsibilities for hiring co-ops, contractors, and full time employees.  During none of that time, was I allowed to ask potential hires if they were married or not.  It wasn't relevant for the job openings I would have available, so I couldn't ask.

An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife… (Titus 1:6 NIV)
I certainly couldn't ask them who they had slept with since getting married.  I couldn't ask them who they slept with at all.  Asking that kind of question would have gotten me fired.  It most probably gotten me sued.  It almost definitely would have gotten the company sued.  A potential employee's sex-life is not of my business.

A deacon must be faithful to his wife… (1 Timothy 3:12 NIV)
Why, then, do statements like this show up in "qualifications for leaders" passages like this.  A leader in the church, even at the most basic "servant" (deacon) level, states that the individual must be faithful to his wife.  Why?  Once again, this goes back to the statement I keep repeating about leadership.

Leadership in the Church is not about power, position, or politics.  It's about walking together with God and helping others do the same.  This is why the church ends up asking all kinds of questions that I could never ask when interviewing potential hires in the business world.  Leaders have learned what it means to walk together with God.  Not only that, they live it.  That's what qualifies them to speak into our lives.

μιας γυναικος ανδρα

The Greek phrase above is the part of the passage translated "faithful to his wife."  The words in Greek are "one woman man."  The one and woman are in the genitive case, so the phrase at its most basic level would be something like "man of one woman."  Faithfulness is a good translation of the intent of this phrase.  A man shows his faithfulness to God by living out faithfulness to his wife.  Ladies, this would apply to you in the same way.  You are called to be a one man woman.

How about you?  Would you pass this test of leadership?  If asked in an interview, would you "get the job?"  Does your faithfulness to God show through in your faithfulness to your spouse?  Are you a one woman man (one man woman)?