Walking Together with God

After the church services on Sunday, I was talking with one of the young men about the sermon.  “You’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘I can’t believe my pastor was talking about sex like that.’”  “Yeah,” he replied, “A LOT!”  After reading this week’s posts you may feel the same.  The thing is, I talked about sex this past Sunday roughly the same amount of time it is presented to this young man in one episode of one television series.  It just felt like a long time because what I said made him uncomfortable.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:18-19 NIV)

Usually, we find ourselves uncomfortable when the picture God provides in Scripture does not match the picture we had going into the sermon.  The result, then, is that we are face to face with a disconnect.  We thought one thing.  Scripture says something else.  We feel uncomfortable because accepting what God’s Word says means admitting that we were wrong.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:1-7 NIV)

Sometimes we get uncomfortable because the wrong picture came from our parents, our friends, or others in the world.  Other times, though, we find ourselves uncomfortable because we are not understanding God’s Word very well.  We are uneasy because it doesn’t seem to fit the rest of what God says.  It looks like it is saying one thing, but it still doesn’t feel right.  We just don’t know why.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV)

The passages I’ve included here create one such tension.  Every time I do pre-marriage counselling and get to these passages, the women struggle with being told to submit.  Men know they are called to love their wives, but feel uncomfortable about the difference as well.  It just doesn’t feel right to them, and for good reason.  They’re not completely understanding what God is saying here.  So, I back them up one verse in Ephesians 5 to help them see the big picture.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)

Paul makes this statement to the church in Ephesus to introduce a whole section where he speaks to husbands and wives, parents and children, and slaves and masters.  Paul is helping people understand how they can submit to one another even when the roles they fill in society are unequal.  They can still submit to one another as a follower of Christ.  Why would they care about submitting to one another?  Because that’s what Christ did.  That’s what Christ taught.  That’s what it means to be a Christ follower.  Even in Christ’s church, leadership is defined by serving.

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all." (Mark 9:35 NIV)

When we look at marriage ough this lens, we start to see that it is about much more than sex.  Marriage is the first place where we learn to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Marriage is the first place where we learn to lead by serving.  Marriage is the first place where we show the world how great relationships can be.  Marriage is about walking together with God.

How about you?  What does this do to your picture of marriage?