I Cringe

Now David's son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her. (2 Samuel 13:1-2 NLT)

There are some stories in the Bible that I really don't like reading.  I cringe every time I go back through and read them again.  This is one of those stories.  Nothing good comes out of it.  God is certainly not pleased.

First of all, David made his mistake with Bathsheba.  Not going to war when it was "time" for kings to do such things, staring at Bathsheba when she was taking a bath, inviting her over, sleeping with her, and killing her husband...every step was bad.  In fact, with each step David got worse.  In the end, David admitted he was wrong and asked God to forgive him.  He also stopped this behavior.  He learned to exercise self control.

Now Amnon is starting down the same path.  He starts watching a beautiful girl that he is not allowed to have.  Rather than throw the thought away, Amnon obsesses over her.  He doesn't even try to get her out of her mind.

Here's the first place I cringe.  I've heard way too many people blame God for their attractions or obsessions.  They ask me questions like, "How can it be wrong if God made me attracted to him (or her)?"  The answer is simple.  God did not make you attracted to that person.  God clearly defines what is ok and what is not ok in this area.  It's not ok to be attracted to another man's wife, David.  It's not ok to be attracted to your sister, Amnon.  These are forbidden by God.  That means the attraction is a temptation to do evil, not something good given by God.  David figured it out the hard way.  Amnon still hasn't.

But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David's brother Shimea. One day Jonadab said to Amnon, "What's the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?" So Amnon told him, "I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." "Well," Jonadab said, "I'll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you'll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands." (2 Samuel 13:3-5 NLT)

This is the second place I cringe.  Jonadab is not a good friend.  I've struggled with this over the years as I watch and guide my children growing up.  Nobody is perfect.  I get that.  But surrounding yourself with friends who don't even attempt to walk with God...well...that's dangerous.  You're putting yourself in a situation where you have to be a positive influence on their lives all the time and they will always try to pull you away from that walk.  Jonadab should have tried to help Amnon get over his obsession.  Jonadab should have pointed his friend toward self-control.  Jonadab should have offered to hold Amnon accountable.  Were this about drinking and driving, Jonadab should have taken Amnon's keys.  Instead, Jonadab did the equivalent of getting Amnon all liquored up, handed him the keys, put him in the drivers seat, and started the engine for him.  Then he got out of the car and watched.  I really cringe.

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, "Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands." So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon's house to prepare some food for him. When Tamar arrived at Amnon's house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him. (2 Samuel 13:6-8 NLT)

This is the third place I cringe.  Tamar was trying to do what was good, kind, and compassionate.  Because she wasn't aware of the possibility of evil in this situation, she is about to become a victim.  Nothing in this story indicates that Tamar does anything to tempt, attract, or encourage Amnon's actions.  She is simply taking care of her sick brother.  She will get attacked.  I cringe because I've counselled far too many people who have been innocent victims of sexual abuse.  They were young, innocent, and unaware of what was going to happen to them.  The result is that they fight battles in their mind and hearts 10, 20, 30, and 40+ years later.  They struggle with guilt, thinking somehow it was their fault.  They have emotional and spiritual wounds that stay open at worse, or leave big scars at best.  I cringe because we live in a world where we have to protect against such horrible sin - even from those closest to us.

But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. "Everyone get out of here," Amnon told his servants. So they all left. Then he said to Tamar, "Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here." So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, "Come to bed with me, my darling sister." "No, my brother!" she cried. "Don't be foolish! Don't do this to me! Such wicked things aren't done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me." But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her. "No, no!" Tamar cried. "Sending me away now is worse than what you've already done to me." But Amnon wouldn't listen to her. He shouted for his servant and demanded, "Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!" So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king's virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. (2 Samuel 13:9-19 NLT)

I hate this last part.  I wouldn't want to watch this part if it was a movie.  Evil wins out over good.  Amnon loses because he listens to the tempter - driving him to evil.  Tamar loses because she is overpowered by a man who is listening to and following evil.  Everyone will loose because of the ripple-effects of evil that will continue on after this story.  I cringe.

Dear friend, don't let this bad example influence you. Follow only what is good. Remember that those who do good prove that they are God's children, and those who do evil prove that they do not know God. (3 John 1:11 NLT)

This is why I work to understand God's ways and follow them in my own life.  I want to be a source of good.

This is why I chose a wife who follows God.  I want our marriage to be a source of good.

This is why I teach my children to walk with God.  I want our family to be a source of good.

This is why our family strives to be good friends to those close to us.  We want to encourage others toward good.

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. (1 Thessalonians 5:15 NLT)