Angry at Myself

David consulted with all his officials, including the generals and captains of his army. Then he addressed the entire assembly of Israel as follows: "If you approve and if it is the will of the LORD our God, let us send messages to all the Israelites throughout the land, including the priests and Levites in their towns and pasturelands. Let us invite them to come and join us. It is time to bring back the Ark of our God, for we neglected it during the reign of Saul." The whole assembly agreed to this, for the people could see it was the right thing to do. (1 Chronicles 13:1-4 NLT)
 
David starts out his role as King with great wisdom.  He turns to God.  Not only does he turn to God, but he builds unity with his leaders and the people of the kingdom around the idea of following God.  He wants to put God in His rightful place as ruler over His people.  Everyone agrees.

Then David and all Israel went to Baalah of Judah (also called Kiriath-jearim) to bring back the Ark of God, which bears the name of the LORD who is enthroned between the cherubim. They placed the Ark of God on a new cart and brought it from Abinadab's house. Uzzah and Ahio were guiding the cart. (1 Chronicles 13:6-7 NLT)

 The intent was great, but the follow-through was not.  David was returning the Ark of the Covenant to the place it belonged - at the center of God's people.  The transportation method, however, was not what God prescribed.  You see, His Law detailed how the Ark was supposed to be transported.  Poles would slip through rings on the side of the Ark and men would carry it with the poles on their shoulders.  Whether David was trying to make it easier on the men, use the latest technology, or simply lazy - putting the Ark on a cart with wheels was never approved by God.

David and all Israel were celebrating before God with all their might, singing songs and playing all kinds of musical instruments—lyres, harps, tambourines, cymbals, and trumpets. But when they arrived at the threshing floor of Nacon, the oxen stumbled, and Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the Ark. Then the LORD's anger was aroused against Uzzah, and He struck him dead because he had laid his hand on the Ark. So Uzzah died there in the presence of God. (1 Chronicles 13:8-10 NLT)
David blew it.  A day of great celebration quickly turned into a day of mourning.  A party became a funeral.  David had good intentions, but good intentions aren't good enough when it comes to walking with God.  If we love Him, we will follow His commands.  It's that simple.

David was angry because the LORD's anger had burst out against Uzzah. He named that place Perez-uzzah (which means "to burst out against Uzzah"), as it is still called today. (1 Chronicles 13:11 NLT)

Have you ever been angry at God?  I have.  When I take the time to consider the reason for my anger, though, I usually figure out what's going on.  In this case, David's anger was not really at God.  David was angry at himself.  David didn't follow God's instructions.  David sinned.  Not only that, he did it publicly.  Everyone was watching when he blew it.  In the same way that a large crowd watched God strike down Goliath through David's obedience, a large crowd watched God strike down Uzzah through David's disobedience.  David blew it and it cost a man his life.  David was angry at himself.  Not only that, he realized there was a problem with his relationship with God.

David was now afraid of God, and he asked, "How can I ever bring the Ark of God back into my care?" So David did not move the Ark into the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-edom of Gath. The Ark of God remained there in Obed-edom's house for three months, and the LORD blessed the household of Obed-edom and everything he owned. (1 Chronicles 13:12-14 NLT)

When I blow it, my first reaction is to hide from my mistake, hide from God, and not want to face the consequences.  What God wants me to do is admit my mistake, repent and face the consequences, and return to God.  David would wait three months before he would be willing to do the later.  Meanwhile, Obed-edom enjoyed the blessings of God while David waited to return.

I'm learning to admit, repent, and return much faster now.  I still make mistakes, but, through the grace of God, even those are growing fewer over time.  The less time I spend getting angry at myself, the sooner I can see Him, join Him again, and walk with Him.  And walking with Him, well, that's right where I want to be.