Saul was thirty years old when he became king, and he reigned over Israel forty- two years. (1 Samuel 13:1 NIV)
When I was thirty years old, God was getting a greater and greater hold on my life. He wasn't taking it. I was giving it. I wanted to walk with Him. I wanted to be a loving husband. I wanted to be a Godly father. I wanted every area of my life to belong to Him and I wanted to understand what that looked like. It wasn't long before I began going to Seminary to learn more.
You see, the desire to follow God was always there. Understanding what that looked like wasn't always there. The battle that took place inside my head was often times fierce. There's a reason they call it a "battle." I honestly didn't know, often, where God was in the midst of the thoughts competing for my attention and loyalty. Sometimes, I would act on things I thought God wanted me to do, but I would find out later that His Word clearly taught the opposite. I would sin.
Saul did the exact same thing. He wanted to follow God. He was afraid of the physical battle that was about to ensue, so he ended up fighting a mental/spiritual battle in his mind. Samuel seemed like a no-show. The Philistines were on their way. He didn't know what to do, so he asked God. God already gave him instructions, though. He was told to wait for Samuel. He went against God's word. He sinned. It would cost him dearly.
"You have done a foolish thing," Samuel said. "You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command." (1 Samuel 13:13-14 NIV)
Saul would lose his kingdom, even if it would take 42 years. His descendents wouldn't get to rule after him. God sought out someone else - someone after His own heart.
The longer I live, the more I desire to be a man after God's own heart. I gladly fight the unseen war in my mind to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I want to be able to test and approve what God's will is; His good, pleasing and perfect will. I want to be holy as He is holy. I want to live justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God. I want to be called His friend.
I think that's what made David so different from Saul. Saul got nervous because He didn't trust what God told him to do. David trusted God no matter what He told him to do. When Saul messed up, he tried to justify his actions. When David messed up, he repented of his sin, asked for mercy, and turned back to God.
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